i dont know what it is
about leaving
and unavailable
and out of reach
and someone else’s
and begging
and desperate
and alone
and torturous
that lures me to you
i know that you’re not mine
i think that’s the thing

i am sorry
that i will lie
and build a home around you
i am sorry
that i will swallow you
and keep you in
at the cost of all my breath
i am sorry
that i will not blink
i will not move
i am sorry
that you cannot trust
me
i am sorry
that I will ask you to

i don’t know what it is
about fighting to lose
about fighting and losing
and burning
and fire
and waves
crashing into a body
sleeping with corpses
being dead
and wanting you
for as long
as you don’t want me
i think that’s the thing